To live once... But with hope.

Man walks up to a front porch. It is a sunny day.
He puts down his briefcase and looks in to small mirror next to the door. He checks his reflection to make sure all is in order.
He is satisfied.
He brushes some dust off his well pressed shoulders and smiles. He is prepared. He is prepared.
He takes a deep breath and gathers his knuckles for a knock.
He brings his fist to an inch from the door, he brings his fist back-

- he stops.

He immediately puts his fist back down.

He looks in to his reflection. He stares at his eyes. He's an idiot. He shakes his head and goes to knock.

He brings his fist to the door again but sees a weird mark on the back of his hand. He immediately stops to inspect his hand. What is that?
He licks it and upon realization, he smudges off the ketchup stain ferociously.

He looks behind to see if any one saw. A dog did and so did a little child carrying a red ballon. The red ballon floats out of the child's hand who is immediately distracted by the rogue balloon.

The man looks back at his door. Another deep breath. Another fist to the door.

He stares at the door. He just keeps on staring and gets lost in thought. He almost gets dizzy and falls in tot he door.

He takes a step to recalibrate and sees the house's number.

Realization strikes, he shakes his head and immediately picks up his briefcase.

He leaves the front porch and goes to the front porch of the house 2 doors down.



Editor's Note: He got the wrong door- who knows who he might have met incorrectly.

Why don't we say he was widowered?

I have time to kill. So while I wait for said time to pass. I will type here.

Still typing.

Typing right now.

Okay here it goes.

We open on a wide angle of a glorious open Sahara Desert. In the distant you a speck of a man riding a camel, he is so small an ant could crawl over and eat him whole because his size seems smaller than that of an ant.

...
and that is all I got, thank you for playing, cheque is in the mail and I hope you enjoy the fondue. Sally does and we all know Sally all too well don't we? Ha I am just kidding go on, have fun. See ya in a few.

Just confirms my theory. At last! My arm is complete again!

The following is a transcript of the Enormous and Entirely Effective press conference of 2011
(E3 for short):

Congressmen Bender walks to the podium and begins his speech:

Behind him shows the following title: Television/Movie Theory 01: The Dangers of TV on DVD

"When television shows are made and released on their respective networks they are designed for such. These shows are created and designed to viewed as they are released on weekly basis. Therefore, each episode of every television show is meant and formatted to be viewed one week apart. If they were meant to be seen at anytime sooner it they would be called a miniseries and advertised as a Four-hour Movie of the week event-

dramatic pause


- All of which leads me to the following danger: TV on DVD. When you have a TV show on DVD, or a large amount of episodes that can be accessed, you can choose to watch a show when you want. Because you have the power, you can choose to watch each episode of a series one week, one day or one sec a part. If you want, you can do a marathon and watch an entire series none stop in one day ( well a cable 13 episode series). You the viewer are given the power and there in lies the danger, these shows are not created to give the power. They are meant to seen individually and have at least one week to analyze each episode, criticize it and theorize what could lay ahead in the next episode that will be released on a weeks time. IF YOU IGNORE THAT AND WATCH 'EM ALL TOGETHER as one giant ass long movie, each individual episode gets ignored. The television show goes from a 13 or 12 or 22 episodic series with individually made episodes to just a long movie. You can't tell on episode from another because you effectively convert the episodes to a movie. All of which destroys all of the hard work the creators, writers and individual episode directors did to each episode.

 Therefore, by watching all the episodes together, you the audience effectively point your middle finger to the ones who gave you this great entertainment.

-- dramatic pause-


I know I know it's hard to wait a whole week to watch the next episode so I am going to say a whole week to wait is a bit much - it's cruel. Also cliffhangers really suck, so if there is a "to be continued"- the episode is meant to be watched with it's continued story line.

So I propose a rule for all to follow, we shall call it, BENDER RULE #01.

"Thou shall only watch one episode a day of any television series. Some exceptions where this rule becomes invalid are any episode that ends with a " to be continued" and the show Lost, or if you find you become disinterested in a show if you do not watch it all together....and also, you can watch 2 episodes of any half hour show together because half an hour is just not enough TV."  Thank You.


- dramatic pause-

" I will now except any questions"

" Sir ! Sir! Does this mean you can only watch tv one hour or 30 minutes a day?"

" No, no, you can watch as many different shows as you want a day, as long as you only watch one episode of each tv show."

" Oh perfect."

" I know right."

That is all, please stay tuned for our next conference."


Congressmen Bender leaves the stage.

Draaammmaaaa!

EXT. Coffee Shop - Day

George, 32, 5 o'clock shadow,  dress shirt, expensive jeans, sits at a table, he looks out to the people walking by while drinking his extra large triple caffeined double expresso machaitto with cream.

Jasmine, 29, lots of makeup, pristine hair, gucci shoes, prada hand bag, sits opposite George. She is drinking a thin glass of iced water, she picks up her glass that sits next to an empty bottle of Evian water. She also looks out to the people walking by.

They both are wearing glasses, both are listening to their iphones and take sips simultaneously.

I waitress comes to their table and serves them each a croissant.

They both smile a "thanks" to the waitress.

They both take a small bite of their croissant.

They both take off their sunglasses and put on them table, next to their half finished drinks and food.

They get up to leave.

They give each other a small kiss.

George leaves a $50 on the table and leaves the coffee shop.

George says, " I love being rich."


_______________________

Editor's Note:

I want more money please.

Clear

INT. A FUTURisitic  School Building

Greg walks over to the futuristic chalk board. There is actually no physical board or chalk because it's the future.

GREG

Okay now what year are we in?

JENNIFER

Um, it's..

ROBOT DRAKE (in  robot voice)

The current year is 2237 Miss Orgnata.

Jennifer, who is also at the board, slowly turns around to the robot. The robot turns to her.

ROBOT DRAKE

I also recommend you use your own personal calen-

Jennifer runs over to the metal robot and starts strangling Robot Drake's robot neck.

JENNIFER

If you give me one more recommendation I will hurt you in the one way I now a

robot can truly feel pain!

GREG

Now calm down Jenn, these recommendations might prove useful later. 

That's why I bought the software upgrade.

Greg separates Jennifer from the robot and walks back to the chalk board. Jennifer sadly walks back as well. She gives one last evil glare to the metal. The metal turns to her and flashes a message on his "robot screen" on his chest: You're a Bitch!!!!!. The lost few exclamation points continue scrolling and fill the screen. It's also animated with emoticons. 

Jennifer goes to attack the robot again but the screen turns to rainbows and bunnies as Greg interrupts again.

GREG

Jenny will you please focus, it's just a machine.

JENNIFER

It's a stupid machine.

GREG

Sure Whatever.

JENNIFER

Okay, now why did myself get brought in here tonight with that thing?

GREG

Because I may have stumbled on the most amazing knowledge

known to men.

JENNIFER

So, whatevs?

GREG 

This is important!

As they continue arguing about how important it is. The robot shines a red light and  slowly rolls ( it's on wheels too) over to Greg.

GREG

Come on science is important!!

The robot taps him on the shoulder. Greg, while listening, leans down to the robot to here his message.

JENNIFER

Important? Out of all important things on all the important lists known to man, I would put this pretty low Greg, pretty lo-

Greg, disheartened from the message he got from the robot, slowly gets up and interrupts Jennifer.

GREG

Um, Jennkins..

JENNIFER

WHAT?!

GREG

Um, well the robot has made a suggestion that you re-learn some grammar (future word) books.

JENNIFER

AND WHY IS THAT?!!

GREG

He said the word, "whatevs" is not a known word in his current vocabulary dictionary.

JENNIFER

Oh really?

Jennifer looks, no stares directly at the robot. Not happy even a little bit.

JENNIFER

Greg, please leave the room.

GREG

Do you have to?

JENNIFER

PLEASE LEAVE THE ROOM.

Greg shakes his head and heads for the (future) door. The robot follows.

JENNIFER

No, metal, the robot stays.

The robot stops and displays a sad face emoticon.

Ireland, it's my island.

Dark room. Dark city.
It's the future too.
Tall skyscrapers and everything.
Ships flying about everywhere.
Lots of people, over population, lots of smog, the usual...but it still has a cleaner vibe, more Aeon Flux and less Bladerunner.
So a tall women in a futuristic type dress gets out of one of the ships and on to the platform of one of the tall buildings. Business as usual, other people are doing it, it's a Monday - or in this case, in the future, it's a Kranday because on this planet they needed more days than the usual seven. Oh and the platform looks like a dock of some sort but with metal grates instead of the normal wood.

This women is special of course - why wouldn't she be? I might as well me talking about that guy in the scruffy looking beard but clean futuristic suite who just got off his ship with his briefcase and is going to work. He doesn't look too happy but his wife is sick and he needs to pay the bills...and the child support because even though it's the future it doesn't mean people stopped getting divorces and/or having illegitimate love children back on another planet because you know " what happens on Planer Vegas- Stays on Planet Vegas".

Any ways, the woman walks around the scruffy beard man who is now having a nervous breakdown because he just realized he should have stayed on Planet Vegas - his wife sucks.

The clack of her tall futuristic heels  - um - clack and reverberate off the metal shiny walls and shiny objects  that she walks by as she walks inside of the tall futuristic building.

A robot ( it's the future) that is also shiny comes out of a door  slightly ahead of her,  notices her and quickly comes over to her and shakes her hand. She recognizes the robot, smiles and hugs the robot.

They hold hands and walk in to the room the robot just came of. Once inside the robot takes the woman's hand and kisses it with a loving robotic smile. She giggles back. She takes out of her pocket a small white spherical object. He takes it, pushes a button on his left hip and opens a compartment where he puts the sphere.

The woman also pushes a part of skin on her left hip. Her eyes start blinking robotically. The robot and the "woman" smile again, take a deep breath and hug one last time.

First the building blows up and then that spreads a giant wave of fire throughout the whole city effectively eliminating every last drop of human and/or living thing. Lots of destruction, screaming and chaos every where.

That bearded man definitely should have stayed with his alien lover and/or love child on Planet Vegas.

There goes Krandays.


______________________________

Writer's Note: I have been watching Battlestar Galactica lately. Second season soo good. People don't kill people, robots do because they never seem to like us in the future do they?

Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza!

TIM

So what is it?

MARK

What do you mean what is it? Isn't it obvious?

TIM

Nope, not one bit.

MARK

Nothing comes to mind?

TIM

I am confused at the moment. Is it something obvious? Is there something I am missing, I must be missing something integral, something important that gives away what it is.

MARK

Really? Huh, well I thought it was pretty obvious. Maybe I should go back to the drawing board.

TIM

You had a drawing board!?

MARK

What you think it popped out, it was very complicated.

TIM

Really? Complicated? I definitely am not seeing something. It doesn't look that  complicated.

MARK

Well shut up. I have had enough, you can go home now. Go go go go.

TIM

Just go? And you are not even going to tell me what it is?

MARK

No, no I am not. If you don't know what it is, I don't think any one will. Go, my couch is starting to smell.

TIM

Sorry.

MARY(yells from other room)

Hey hun are you trying to get someone else to tell you what it is? ( stops yelling as she comes in to the room) ...because I told you no one else will.

MARK

Did she know what it was?

TIM(goes to sits on the couch for a sec then stands back up)

Argh no. I seriously don't know how both of you don't know what it is. I thought it was so obvious.

MARY

Sorry.

MARK

You to?

MARY

Sorry we don't get it. Maybe if you tell us what it is, we can help you so other people will see it?

TIM(goes to sits on the couch for a sec then stands back up)

No no no, that is not the point....

MARK

So you still want me to go or was that just a drama thing?

Tim looks at it one more time, sighs and leaves the room.

MARK to MARY

So, um ya know what it is right?

MARY

Well yah,  I mean come on, it's so obvious.

****************************************************************************

Writer's Note: I found having three blogs has actually made me want to write more on this one because every time I write I get to procrastinate writing other ones, while before my procrastination from blogging all together. This way I get to procrastinate and at least do something. Genius Really.