To live once... But with hope.

Man walks up to a front porch. It is a sunny day.
He puts down his briefcase and looks in to small mirror next to the door. He checks his reflection to make sure all is in order.
He is satisfied.
He brushes some dust off his well pressed shoulders and smiles. He is prepared. He is prepared.
He takes a deep breath and gathers his knuckles for a knock.
He brings his fist to an inch from the door, he brings his fist back-

- he stops.

He immediately puts his fist back down.

He looks in to his reflection. He stares at his eyes. He's an idiot. He shakes his head and goes to knock.

He brings his fist to the door again but sees a weird mark on the back of his hand. He immediately stops to inspect his hand. What is that?
He licks it and upon realization, he smudges off the ketchup stain ferociously.

He looks behind to see if any one saw. A dog did and so did a little child carrying a red ballon. The red ballon floats out of the child's hand who is immediately distracted by the rogue balloon.

The man looks back at his door. Another deep breath. Another fist to the door.

He stares at the door. He just keeps on staring and gets lost in thought. He almost gets dizzy and falls in tot he door.

He takes a step to recalibrate and sees the house's number.

Realization strikes, he shakes his head and immediately picks up his briefcase.

He leaves the front porch and goes to the front porch of the house 2 doors down.



Editor's Note: He got the wrong door- who knows who he might have met incorrectly.

Why don't we say he was widowered?

I have time to kill. So while I wait for said time to pass. I will type here.

Still typing.

Typing right now.

Okay here it goes.

We open on a wide angle of a glorious open Sahara Desert. In the distant you a speck of a man riding a camel, he is so small an ant could crawl over and eat him whole because his size seems smaller than that of an ant.

...
and that is all I got, thank you for playing, cheque is in the mail and I hope you enjoy the fondue. Sally does and we all know Sally all too well don't we? Ha I am just kidding go on, have fun. See ya in a few.

Just confirms my theory. At last! My arm is complete again!

The following is a transcript of the Enormous and Entirely Effective press conference of 2011
(E3 for short):

Congressmen Bender walks to the podium and begins his speech:

Behind him shows the following title: Television/Movie Theory 01: The Dangers of TV on DVD

"When television shows are made and released on their respective networks they are designed for such. These shows are created and designed to viewed as they are released on weekly basis. Therefore, each episode of every television show is meant and formatted to be viewed one week apart. If they were meant to be seen at anytime sooner it they would be called a miniseries and advertised as a Four-hour Movie of the week event-

dramatic pause


- All of which leads me to the following danger: TV on DVD. When you have a TV show on DVD, or a large amount of episodes that can be accessed, you can choose to watch a show when you want. Because you have the power, you can choose to watch each episode of a series one week, one day or one sec a part. If you want, you can do a marathon and watch an entire series none stop in one day ( well a cable 13 episode series). You the viewer are given the power and there in lies the danger, these shows are not created to give the power. They are meant to seen individually and have at least one week to analyze each episode, criticize it and theorize what could lay ahead in the next episode that will be released on a weeks time. IF YOU IGNORE THAT AND WATCH 'EM ALL TOGETHER as one giant ass long movie, each individual episode gets ignored. The television show goes from a 13 or 12 or 22 episodic series with individually made episodes to just a long movie. You can't tell on episode from another because you effectively convert the episodes to a movie. All of which destroys all of the hard work the creators, writers and individual episode directors did to each episode.

 Therefore, by watching all the episodes together, you the audience effectively point your middle finger to the ones who gave you this great entertainment.

-- dramatic pause-


I know I know it's hard to wait a whole week to watch the next episode so I am going to say a whole week to wait is a bit much - it's cruel. Also cliffhangers really suck, so if there is a "to be continued"- the episode is meant to be watched with it's continued story line.

So I propose a rule for all to follow, we shall call it, BENDER RULE #01.

"Thou shall only watch one episode a day of any television series. Some exceptions where this rule becomes invalid are any episode that ends with a " to be continued" and the show Lost, or if you find you become disinterested in a show if you do not watch it all together....and also, you can watch 2 episodes of any half hour show together because half an hour is just not enough TV."  Thank You.


- dramatic pause-

" I will now except any questions"

" Sir ! Sir! Does this mean you can only watch tv one hour or 30 minutes a day?"

" No, no, you can watch as many different shows as you want a day, as long as you only watch one episode of each tv show."

" Oh perfect."

" I know right."

That is all, please stay tuned for our next conference."


Congressmen Bender leaves the stage.